the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
