im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
