Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
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If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize