I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
