yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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