she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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