he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
