dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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