last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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