how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I look better un-naked...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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