I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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