I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
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