He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
