1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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