Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
