she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
