You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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