Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
