Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
