I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i think i just lost a toe
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