Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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