i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
