I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
