When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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