i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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