Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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