You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
