i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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