I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I need water and some morals
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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