your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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