oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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