I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
