i already hear my dad disowning me
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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