if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
