Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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