I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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