i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
