i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
