Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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