If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
