yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
