I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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