We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
