I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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