we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
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