It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
