Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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