i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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