Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
