i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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