If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
