So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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