i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Randomize
