I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
