I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
