i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
