I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
