Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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