Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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