addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
