Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
