I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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